Laura Lavigne

Please Hit "Refresh"



Posted: Saturday, March 14, 2009

by Laura Lavigne
TreeHouse Coaching

I love how Marco and Tanissa get along so well

Did I just hear this? Did Chris, who has spent more time with my family in the last year than just about anyone else really just say that?

He did.

And his words have sent me spinning.

For years, actually for close to a decade, being in the same room as my son and his sister had been a real challenge. The kind of challenge that makes you think twice about taking them both to the grocery store with you. The kind of challenge that makes you feel the peace in a palpable way when one of them is at a friends home for the night. The kind that makes your mommy heart - not to mention your mommy nerves - brittle and edgy. And pained.

These two had been so very close as babies and as toddlers. Only 27 months apart, they moved and thought as one person ... until Tanissa started 1st grade. And then, something happened. Maybe it was the new separation, maybe a dose of competition set in too, I dont know. The fact is that for the next 9 years or so, they seem to barely be able to stand each others company. They argued, they bickered, they pushed, they shoved, they tattled. It was no fun.

For some reason, respite seemed to take place magically every time we went on vacation, though. For a while, on the road or under a tent, I got to experience the delight of my amazing kids ... being amazing around each other . Maybe being in a neutral territory did the trick, maybe the sense of adventure rallied them together, I am not sure. But when that happened, life was really, really good.

And funny enough, this is how life has been the last couple of years.

Only thing is, I did not notice.

Ok. That's not completely true. My body noticed. My nerves noticed. My heart noticed. But somehow, I don't think my brain fully did. If you had asked me how my two older kids got along, I am embarrassed (and sad) to say that I would have most likely told you that well, they didn't.

It took another, fresher set of eyes to get me to hit Refresh.

It took another voice for me to stop for a moment and bring my own eyes up to date. To take a look at what is, NOW.

Wow. They do get along beautifully well. They are close friends with an obvious sense of strong complicity. As teenagers, these two have found their bond again... and I almost missed it.

All this because I did not hit Refresh, that magical little button that lives on our computer screen. That wise little click that allows us, just like that, to look at life in the latest, freshest, most up to date way. And then to live - to act - according to that.

Without it, I wonder: what else am I missing?

What could you be missing?

When we hold ourselves and others to the way we were, even possibly to the way weve always been, we cheat ourselves from so much. We cheat ourselves from what IS.

And there is a good chance that what is is really good.

So heres to us and to our own willingness to hit Refresh. Often.

And here is to giggly teenagers and to being awake enough to truly see them.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by David Pekrul
 3 years 58 days ago.
70 fans.
We should probably hit "Refresh" in a lot of areas of our lives. Thank you for this warm and refreshing article.
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